Desperation
by S.R. Moon
Summary: Summary: Alternate outcome to the battle with Shishio. Warnings: Not even close to a happy ending. Character death. The death of Shinomori Aoshi has changed Makimachi Misao’s outlook on life.


Desperation

**1: A Dark Tunnel**

Summary: (Alternate outcome to the battle with Shishio. Warnings: Not even close to a happy ending. Character death.) The death of Shinomori Aoshi has changed Makimachi Misao's outlook on life.

A/N: My first ever Kenshin fic, and I am also returning from a two year long hiatus from my fanfiction writing. I'm a bit rusty. I'm sorry if it's terrible.

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Raindrops fell from the blackened sky like pieces of glass that shattered when they made contact with the cold, unforgiving stone road. That same road, on which she had tread since the day of her earliest memory, now felt strangely foreign to her.

If any tears remained in her body, they didn't fall. She simply stood there, staring out blankly at the empty world before her. That is precisely what the world was to Makimachi Misao. Empty. It was an existence void of all semblances of joy and vitality... but above all, it was void of hope.

She replayed in her mind the scene of Kenshin's arrival at the Aoiya. He staggered up to the inn, with Sanosuke lagging a bit behind. Misao immediately noted the absence of her beloved Aoshi-sama, and stalked over to Kenshin to yell at him over how he broke his promise to return Aoshi to her.

When she had done so, Kenshin looked at her with a half-absent look on his face. It was almost as if part of him had died, too. He stared into her hopeful eyes and said in his always gentle but serious voice,

"Misao-dono," He had then paused for a long moment, then finished regretfully, "Aoshi-san died in battle. This one is deeply sorry."

She remembered feeling the spirit of life depart from her body. She was still physically still breathing, still alive… but she was left feeling hopelessly hollow inside. Misao felt betrayed. Betrayed by whom, she couldn't really say. All she understood was that the emotion was there, and she couldn't help it. She was almost instantly consumed by depression.

She had been depressed before, sure, but never like this. They young ninja couldn't have imagined this nagging permanent sensation of complete abandonment and loss.

She listened to the sound of the rain. She reminisced about the times when she used to hear the rain telling her "It's okay" when she had almost given up. Now, she saw the rain as the melancholy song of the mighty universe… not to be interpreted by man. Its tune was audible, but its meaning would forever remain a secret to all who walked the earth. The comfort she once received from "listening" to the storm was now replaced by a sense of reverence for power grater than her own.

In all honesty, she had matured over the course of the past few months more than she ever thought possible. She realized truths that she had denied… and did her best to accept them. She sighed when she once would have broken down into a mass of sobs. She spent hours every night just staring at the moon in the sky and begging for answers from whoever could hear her silent pleas, when before she would have slept soundly in her bed under the watchful eye of the older Oniwabanshuu. Misao had changed and she could never turn back.

She sighed heavily.

She recalled how she had taken Aoshi's place as Okashira of the Oniwabanshuu. God, that seemed like so long ago. Now, Misao was forced to take his place once again, and take up the burden he was no longer present to bear. She took it upon herself to avenge his fallen comrades, who had been her best friends. Only now, there was another added to the list: Aoshi himself.

_Never forgive, never forget. _

With that thought, she continued to walk through the Kyoto streets, carrying her almost impossible burden. She could never forget Aoshi... no matter how badly it pained her to think of him… and she could never forgive Shishio and his companions for how they destroyed her life and every last molecule of faith she possessed.

Misao's life was in ruins, her heart torn into pieces, and she hated that. Being who she is, she couldn't take it for much longer. It really wasn't her style.

As she clenched her fists tightly against her sides and turned into a dark alleyway, where she would try to find a cheap place to stay the night, she could hear her heartbeat and the pounding of the rain resounding in her ears. Never before had those two things seemed so deafening. She stared at the ground as she walked carefully placing one foot in a line directly in front of the other, concentrating in attempt to distract herself from her mental turmoil, but she could not deny that a newfound purpose drove her steps. _Revenge, revenge._

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A/N: M'kay... that's it for now. This is the first chapter / prologue of sorts. Please review and let me know what you think. I would really appreciate it

-Tsuki-dono


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